Little Bird Pole Project

Struggle Bus

This year has not started off as my most healthiest of years.  Last week I caught my fourth cold and I can only really blame myself.  I have a super cute three year old who I love to kiss and snuggle so I pretty much get whatever he has.

I spent the whole month of January battling three colds and a sinus infection.  I have spent a lot of quality time in bed.  Also, to top it all off I food poisoned myself with a homemade vegan lasagna.  I promise I will stop buying bagged spinach!!!  I also think there is something going on with the Trader Joe’s mushrooms or maybe its mushrooms in general?  Maybe I need to take a break from cooking.

In any case, after I threw up the offending lasagna this morning I knew pole class was off the table. I was super bummed! The class is all strength and flexibility……which is what I need for those inversions.   On the plus side, I did work on conquering my fear of throwing up.  Throwing up like inverting makes me super scared and feel out of control. However, I knew it would be better on the other side.   I have had food poisoning where I absolutely would not vomit and I don’t recommend it.

I also have to say I was really proud of myself. If I can conquer one of my biggest fears then what else can I do?

So, my intention for next week is some extra self-love and patience.  Also, extra hours in bed and more hand washing.

Stay healthy folks…its all that really matters.


I’m not going to lie its mostly been a hate kind of week.  I am in a difficult time in pole journey where I am confident with basic spins and climbing but am super frustrated with inverting.  I am trying to do a chopper or a V inversion and it feels impossible.

I think there are several things going on:

1. I am not comfortable going upside down.  There is definitely a bit of a mental block.  I am in general overly cautious and do not want to hurt myself.  Also, there is probably a control thing going on where if I go upside down I might feel too out of control.

2. I have really long legs.  I mean who would complain about this.  Long legs are awesome and hot but really terrible for inverting.  It is a lot more weight to throw over head and super frustrating when dancing with other folks who have shorter legs.

3. I do not have a lot of core strength especially lower core strength. There are other places where I am toned my stomach isn’t one of them.  I think also given my long legs I need extra core strength.

So, here I am I want to progress but feel really stuck and there are a lot of emotions tied in with this.  Its really easy to go negative super fast.  This is the time to step away from Instragram and to work on my inner cheerleader.  It may take me months (hopefully not years) but I will get there.  

The one thing that keeps me going is remembering the time my son was learning how to role over.  He struggled and cried but he didn’t give up.  I won’t either.

Potty Time

Yesterday in pole class my teacher mentioned how she someday wanted to create a pole studio that catered/embraced the LGBTQ community.  I never once considered how it must feel to be in a pole studio as an LGBTQ person and what the current experience might feel like.

As a straight Caucasian woman I have to regularly check myself and put myself in other folks’ shoes because I often only just think from my perspective which I feel is super privileged. I mean anything is possible but for the most part I don’t feel like a cop would pull a gun on me. 

Anyway this talk about an LGBTQ pole studio got me thinking what is going on with the LGBTQ community and what are some ways to make this community feel better.  Given the recent news let’s start with letting Transgender folks use the bathroom for their identified gender.

What is the big deal about letting transgender folks use the bathroom of their choosing?  I honestly don’t give a care who uses the same bathroom that I use.  I only care about the cleanliness of the toilet when I go to use it.  I have been working in the corporate world for 11ish years now and I cannot tell how any ladies’ room toilets look like a crime scene.  What’s going on ladies?  Seriously, there have been a few times where I thought someone gave birth on the toilet or set off a poop bomb.  WHY?????  Also, who is in that big of a hurry that the toilet seat liner is still on he toilet.  Really????? Look fucking behind you!

Maybe because I was a Girl Scout (campsite rule) or I have overflowed too many toilets in my time but keep that toilet clean. How hard is it to do a quick glance behind yourself and verify the toilet is flushed and nothing terrifying was left behind.

I bet if transgender folks where able to use the bathroom in which they felt most comfortable that the bathroon would look way nicer and the world in general would be a happier place.

Little Bird Pole Project

About 8 months ago I watched a documentary that changed my life.  Blood, Sweat, and Sequins is a documentary about pole dancers in Australia competing for the title of Miss Pole Dance.  I decided to watch it through a fit of insomnia and thought it would be a fun way to pass the time.  Instead, the film sparked my interest in pole dancing and even motivated me to try my first class.  8 months later here I am with the idea to do this project.

2015 and 2016 were tough and intense years.  Lots of stuff going both in my personal life, politics, etc.  2017 started off with a bang and I could easily see myself falling down a rabbit hole.  My default mode is highly anxious with a few sprinkles of depression.  I needed an outlet to focus my energy and some goals to keep my brain occupied as well as some positive goals.  Don’t get me wrong I still plant to read the New York Times and stayed engaged with the world but needed something to help me stay sane.

I decided for the next four years I am going to document my pole dance journey and capture my progression and the lessons learned along the way.  Ideally, I would love to someday compete or at least get  some performances under my belt.

So, what’s with the name?  Well, my maiden name is Ptacek which is Slovak for Little Bird.  I mean if I was really being honest with myself I would title it the “Big Bird Project.”  I am 5’10 and look like a giant in pole shoes….so “Little” is not what I woul use to describe myself.  But I don’t want to get sued by Sesame Street so here we are.

Okay, so you may be wondering why Pole Dance?  I am not going to lie if you asked a year ago what I thought of pole dancing I probably would have said something offensive.  I have been a runner for the last 20 years and I have had a bit of an ego about my running fitness.  I have had some good races and done pretty well.  I have considered myself an athlete but after getting into pole dancing I have changed my tune.

Pole dancing is hard like really freaking hard.  It requires strength, patience, mental agility, etc.  Also, it is beautiful to watch.  I am so captivating by the tricks and movements.  So I gave it a try and was humbled.  I decided to invest in this new sport and started attending classes regularly. I am excited to share my journey and see where it takes me!

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